i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
