your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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