I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
