I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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