i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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