I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
