the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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