ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
