just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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