Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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