When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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