The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
