My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
