I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
