P.S. I can't hear my feet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize