I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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