how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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