does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
