Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
