He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there was a trapeze. enough said
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
