Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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