and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
