if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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