I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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