Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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