Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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