don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize