yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You ruined the universe
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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