Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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