you didnt know i had herpes?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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