im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I deserve this hangover.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
