there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
