weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
