well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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