she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
