watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
