I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I skipped work to stalk him.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
