in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
