If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
