actually, I'm a sock model
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
