i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
