im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
