yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Less talking, more tequila
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
