Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize