I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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