She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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