unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
