so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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