I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
