I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
