we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he fucked my hip out of place.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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