Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
