Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
