so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sorry my hands just texted you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
