i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
