I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hippo gnu deer
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
