So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize