Cold hands, warm shart.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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