Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
