I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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