alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
