This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He? As in you personified your dick?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize