I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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