so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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