Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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