its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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