dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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