so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
