he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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