i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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