hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
