I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
