yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
