I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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