You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
